Hopes vs. Resolutions 2013

Happy New Year my sweet readers! As we ring in the new year, I think about the year that is past, and areas of the year that I plan to leave in the past, and what I hope for this year. Are you one to make resolutions? I've always felt like resolutions are, in a sense, just failures to look forward to. If they weren't we probably wouldn't be putting the same things on the list year after year. I don't want to feel like I failed at my endeavors, but rather feel excited to tackle some things in my life and hope that I am successful at doing it. Ok, I know, sounds like the definition of a resolution. Whatever makes me feel better, I guess. Here is my list, not necessarily in order, and some hold much higher hopes and expectations....

• Spend "real" time with my children. I'm a stay at home mom, so you would think I spend plenty of time with the kids. I would definitely agree with you most days! But, the truth is, as a stay at home mom, I find that I am around my kids...not spending time with them. I've put these expectations on myself, responsibilities that I must do everyday (even though continually they never get fully accomplished). As long as I hold myself to those unrealistic expectations, I'm going to miss all of this precious time that I will never get back. I should know by now, that I'll never finish the house cleaning by the time my husband gets home. The kids will have managed to (without a doubt) destroy all that I have cleaned in a whopping 15 minutes of walking through the door. By the time my husband gets home, it looks like I laid on the couch all day in my pj's while the kids had full run of the house. Thanks to Beckie at Infarrantly Creative, I learned about Lowe's Build and Grow, I signed up for the next to classes that they offer. The kids will L♥VE that! This year I want to do less yelling like a drill sergeant (some of you know what I mean), and experience more laughter, love, patience, and connection with each of my kids.
•  Refinish furniture on a regular basis. I'm not sure that I have ever done anything else in my life (as far as something for myself), that makes me feel more fulfilled and just proud. I hope to finish at least 1 new furniture project a week. This blog began as a blog of furniture projects, and somewhere along the way, it has veered away from that. Looking back, it was the very time that I stopped blogging about what I love, that I began not blogging as much. That is where my passion is, and what I love to write about. I love to share those post with you, and need to bring my blog back to what it started for. 
• To put my jewelry and furniture into a local retail space. I'm pretty sure I said this last year too, but we weren't at a place to really make that a reality. This year, I plan to (in the very near future) bring the jewelry from my shop, Speak Out Loud, to some local stores and find out what options are available to me. I want to have a space large enough to hold the furniture that I refinish, cause Lord knows our condo sure isn't! My dream has been to turn my hobby into a living.
• Lose weight. This is THE "STAPLE" resolution, right?? It belongs on our list, like milk and bread belong on our shopping list! For so many reasons, this is a must for me. For some reason, and I'm sure the cereal at midnight, and the fast food aren't one of them, I have been gaining weight all year. The weight that I am at right now, is the most I have been, not being pregnant. I need this to BE and FEEL healthier, to feel better about myself, to show my kids that it is important to take care of yourself, as well as to take that time for myself.
• This one is the big one...the one no one likes to admit to or talk about....QUIT SMOKING. My children are at the age that they can communicate LOUD AND CLEAR, that they want mom and dad to quit smoking. This is something that I want so badly, but have never really quit on my own. I have never smoked through pregnancy, I actually can't stand to be around cigarette smoke when I am pregnant. Well I am surely not going to be getting pregnant again, so that will not be an option. The only time that I was successful (not pregnant) was with Chantix. At the time that I used it, it wasn't talked about how it could make you suicidal. I'm not sure that, even had I of known that, it would have discouraged me from it. But, I had no idea of it, and soon after I started the medication, the thoughts came to my head. My son was a couple of years old at the time, and I worry that had he have not been in my life, the thoughts might have taken over. I never could imagine how someone could take their own life, but after experiencing such overwhelming thoughts, I can understand better what someone might think and feel in their darkest place. It is very scary what the mind can do, and even scarier that a little pill designed to help you, can control your mind and your thoughts to go to a place that you never thought imaginable. It took me months to regain my "sanity" and I quit smoking for about a year, but I will not be going that route this time. BUT, with all of my being, I pray that I will quit in the next couple of weeks.

So now that I have rambled on, I would love to hear what your plans, hopes, dreams, or resolutions are for 2013. I hope that this year bring much peace, happiness, and fullfilment! Thanks so much for coming by and taking the time to read! If you're new here, I would love for you to stick around to see all of the exciting things I have in store this year!

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Lil Journal Project...People Watching

There are many days as a stay at home mom, that I don't leave the house (please tell me I'm not the only one!). So when Ashley's prompt was people watching, I thought...hmm, the only people I've watched today are the little one's running around my house. And although they cause plenty of thoughts to go through my head, and most definitely have an impact on my life....sometime it is a stranger, that has no idea that you even noticed them, that can make the biggest impression on you. There was one person in particular that immediately came to mind. 

A couple of months ago, as I was driving down the highway, something caused me to glance over at the commuter parking lot on the outer road. I've seen the lot many times, but this time I noticed more than just parked cars. I saw a car parked in the last row of the 1/2 empty lot. It was what was on the car that grabbed my attention. There were 2 or 3, one gallon, milk jugs on the roof of the car. I wondered about it, but I didn't really have that much time to see much else. A few days later, driving down the highway, I started to look before even passing the commuter lot. This time, there was a couple more milk jugs, and a chair that was sitting in front of the car. I was able to take notice of what filled this car. This was someones home. I couldn't seem to get this person off of my mind. I wondered if it was a man or a woman. I wondered how old this person was. I wondered if this person had family that lived in the car too. I imagined that the water must be the way this person cleans him or herself. I figured that, because it was 110° outside, and who would want to drink water so hot. 

A week or so later, a person filled that chair. He seemed to be a middle aged man, alone. How did he end up in his car? How is he able to stay in the same place, dad after day, obviously taking up residence at this address? What does he do all day? How does he get money to eat? Does his car run? The questions went on and on, and still, for some reason I think of this person often. I have to say that for a stranger passing by (literally) he has left more of an impression on me than any other stranger that I can think of. 

I'm very thankful for the blessing in my life. This man reminds me that just having a place to lay my head, and a bathroom to shower in, are in fact....blessings.

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THE LIL JOURNAL PROJECT...

As bloggers we all have the urge to write, about something, right? It may be different for each of us. Maybe it's to write about our families, our homes, our dinners, what we are wearing, our adventures, our successes, or in some cases our lack of success. What ever that "something" may be, we write about it passionately and enthusiastically. We tell the story of "it". Our blogs are our place to go back in time and see our special moments. We treasure our online journals. But, how often do you just sit and write...with a pencil and paper?? I know that many of us will pick up a pen and jot down a thought or an idea, or even an amazing and inspiring dream that we might have. But are we writing these things down with our blogs in mind? Or instead, just for ourselves, because we want to make note of that moment.

I've never been great about keeping a journal, although I have attempted at different times in my life to start one. I'd go out and buy the prettiest little journal that I can find, a special pencil dedicate to only my journal,  lay in bed ready to expose all of my deepest thoughts and feelings... Sound familiar? For me, this eagerness lasts for only about 3 days. Then I find myself staring at blank pages that scream extra pressure and an added chore for the day. Not so fun, and doesn't make for good reading in the future. I love to write, and there is a freedom I feel when I am writing for myself. When we blog, it is very easy to feel like we are going to be judged on what and how we write. What we share, or don't share. How correct our grammar is. If we have too little detail, too much detail. We try to write freely, but nothing like we would if we knew no one would read it. Just like we dance when no one is watching.

This brings me to tell you about one of my daily reads,  Lil Blue Boo. Ashley is an amazing writer, an inspiring woman, a terrific mother who just oozes with creativity, humor, strength, and joy. A few days ago she started a series called The Lil Journal Project. She gives daily prompts on what to write about in the journal. She is only on day 4, and honestly I didn't start right away. I read day one and loved the idea. But didn't start my journal. I didn't want to start something that I might not finish, just as I had done in the past. I read day 2, which brought up memories, good ones, that I probably would have never even thought of {in detail}. I kept thinking about her project. Then yesterday I read day 3. I had to do this! For this journal, I didn't run out to buy "the prettiest little journal that I could find". I didn't look for that perfect journal pencil. I stopped at the dollar store and bought this drawing pad....

...MY prettiest little journal.

Along with some things to add some color....

And so my "Lil Journal" began.

Using my kids pencil that's missing most of its eraser, and with my left hand I wrote:
this is my journal.
there are no rules.
it's imperfect.
and perfect.
all at the same time.
This was the prompt that Ashley gave. So creative, right?!

Apparently, I draw much better with my left hand than I write.

This is different than any journal I've ever started in the past, and I find that I am writing things, and remembering things that otherwise, I probably would have kept in that part of the brain that "just stores memories". I look forward to what day 5 will bring. 

There is plenty of time to start your journal. I'd love to know if you have already joined in on The Lil Journal Project! 

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A Fathers' LOVE....

Please click here to vote for me!
 

I have always been a daddy's girl. I can remember being a little girl and thinking that my dad was just THE best thing in the world! When I look at how my girls look at their daddy....I know that they are thinking the same thing. There is nothing better in the world to see a man become a father, and know that their heart is filled with a joy, a tenderness, and a sense of pride that only becoming a father can provide. I saw it in my fathers' eyes as he walked me towards my husband to give me away...

I saw it happen when my son was born...

Ok, so that is exhaustion, but the pride and joy is bursting on the inside ;-)

Then on Father's Day 6 years ago, I was able to give my husband the best gift that I could ever think to give....

It took some planning on my part...and it was hard to keep it a surprise, BUT I managed to wait to keep my little father's day present a secret until that morning!! Surprise!! I'm giving you a daughter...TODAY!! Sorry, maybe breakfast in bed next year :-) And she is where his heart is!

I think because she was bald like him...they had a bond!

We were blessed once again with a very special {little} package just after father's day almost 2 years ago. And I will never forget the way my husband looked at this little girl...

They are little magnets stuck to him :)

Happy Father's Day!!

Don't forget to click on the links on my sidebar to enter the current giveaways (or click here and here) or this link up or this link up!!

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Secret Week

After Nine to Five has become one of my most favorite blogs! Ashley is so sweet and I love that she stays so true to herself. She really inspires me and this week she is trying to inspire us all to Bare Our Souls with Secret Week. If you'd like to participate, you can click on this link: You can participate anonymously as well!

When I first read about it, I immediately responded, saying I was all in! As I sit here tonight baring my soul, my fingers aren't moving as fast as I thought they would. I'm not sure that sharing things about myself with blogland is what intimidates me. There is such comradery between us girls (and I'm sure guys too ;-)) and have found that there is more support here and encouragement, so who am I "hiding" from? It's much easier to tell your secrets to a faceless name, than to show vulnerabilities to the "faces" we know. One thing that is intimidating to me personally is that almost every blog I read seems like they have a perfect life. I know not everyone behind the posts that I read can have the perfect life that their words and pictures portray. It seems like the only thing that is shared, that might show imperfections, is a picture of a piece that didn't turn out quite right, or an occasional picture of a messy house to show what their house looked like before staging it for that beautiful photo. It sometimes can make you feel like "your the only one". I know that that isn't true, because I am guilty of the same thing. I don't think that we need to be negative to share a bit of our struggles (whatever that may be) and truly feel that, for me, this can help you get to know me and why I do, or don't do, the things that I do.

Do you think that I am rambling??? Procrastinating?? Ok, here go's....
One thing that I have never shared, that really weighs heavy on me, is that my husband has been unemployed for over 7 months. And for those of you who follow me, you know I am a SAHM. Not a good combination. I don't have to get into the details of everyday life, because with 3 kids I think the struggles are just obvious, but I would like to share with you how it affects my thinking in terms of my blog. Back in September, I took a bit of a break from blogging because we moved. What should have been exciting, turned into the worst time in my life. We did manage to come up with enough money to get into our house, but it is very hard for me to "feel at home" with such uncertainties. How this affects my blog? Well, I have always LOVED to decorate, but I have found myself (for the first time in my life) not being able to commit to even hanging a picture. I feel like I can't show the "real" me, because I can't BE the real me! I do my posts on the furniture that I redo (and I love to redo furniture!), but I am only able to do these things  in  hopes of selling them. What I REALLY want to be writing about are the beautiful rooms that I have created  in my home, but that seems to continue to have to only stay as visions in my mind.
I truly, from the bottom of my heart, love to blog and everything there is about it. I never knew that you could actually make an income from it. I think that is a great way to start a blog! To do something without knowing that you could actually be compensated for it, in my opinion, is when you really "do you". When I realized that I could possibly make an income doing what I love, was awesome! But finding out that you can make an income doesn't mean that you will make an income (as we all know). It's not easy to get your name out there, and one of the ways my blog is affected by our unemployment, is that I am unable to afford some the things that I want for my blog. Such as advertise my blog. It seems like such a small price to pay to get your name out there, but every penny means something when you have none. I really want to do a link party, and in time I will. I also want a .com, but that will have to come in time as well. None of these things are necessities! And, there are SO many free resources and wonderful bloggers out there, that I know that I don't need money to grow my blog. But those are things that I think about when I think "if I had money I'd do that".
I also want you to know how thankful I am to have found blogging. It is such an outlet for me. It's like a bottle of wine....takes my troubles away ;-) Ok, so I'd be puking if I drank a bottle of wine, but you know what I mean. I feel so blessed to be a part of this wonderful community, and I find nothing less than inspiration for a better life here. When I share my posts, I really am sharing me.....just leaving out the parts that make me, well,  "not" me. I pray that our situation changes soon, but I know that no matter what I will continue to grow in my blog. It's easy to do something you love, whether you make a paycheck, or just a penny. I know that I never have to make any money from blogging, but I have to be honest, I would love for this to be my way to contribute to my family.
Thanks so much for stopping by and ready a bit of my secrets! I hope to read some of your secrets!!
This is a whole week series! Man, I feel like this could be a week of downer posts for me!! I do hope that if someone else is out there with the same family stuggles, this will let you know that your not alone (or make me feel like I'm not alone)

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